Dear Jive Journal...

Dear Jive Journal - Ideas to save money during the harsh economic times: Idea #1

2009-06-22T20:56:08Z

Tara's ideas to save money during the harsh economic times
Idea #1

Spending all your paycheck on grapes and foods that come in wacky multiples so that you think you need to buy them all? Senselessly buying rice grains by the Dozens, hundreds, and who knows maybe even THOUSANDS! End this destructive spending cycle for good! How, you may ask? It's easy...Just buy one item. You can eat it in many tiny bites and it will be just like eating a bunch of delicious grapes or a entire tasty bowl of rice and will be slimming for your waist as well as your wallet...wait, scratch that. It won't be slimming to your wallet. It will make your wallet fat and happy like Orson Welles covered in Barbeque sauce at a Polynesian Luau. But your waist would be much slimmer than your wallet. Well probably not really, unless you had a really unusually huge wallet, like from a novelty store. Well, you know what I mean!

Dear Jive Journal - HAPPY WALKEN DAY!!!

2009-03-31T17:30:13Z

It's finally here!
A day when all can reflect and celebrate the noble contributions Ronald "Christopher" Walken has made, not only to the motion picture industry, but to mankind itself.

Take time today to give thanks for the Oscar® and Bafta® Award winning actor has done for your life in the past 66 years since he was born a wee baby in Queens, New York. Today, he has overcome a lifelong battle with heterochromia, to become one of the worlds most versatile entertainers.

Tomorrow, in honor of this great man, I will fly to Germany, the homeland of his humble baker father.

Will there ever be anyone his equal.
Quote the Walken..."Nevermore."

Dear Jive Journal - Dapper cat

2009-03-25T15:03:53Z

I saw this guy on my way to work yesterday...He has MOXIE!!

Dear Jive Journal - Sometimes I wonder...

2009-03-06T18:40:33Z

Sometimes I wonder, if I had time to create something I wanted to, not something I had to, what would that be?

Would I finally finish a story? A script?
Would I pick up a pen or a brush again?
Or counquer a whole new medium?

Then I worry that if I did, I'd realize just how boring I was. And how much would that suck!?

Dear Jive Journal - Just in case you were wondering...

2009-03-03T21:48:31Z

I'm still here. Just haven't really felt like talking, I guess.

If you're wonderin' Jivers, I'm good.
Cat roommate, Cosmo and I are getting along very well. He sometimes curls his lip like Elvis which makes me laugh. But then sometimes he eats his own throw-up, too. Like the song says "You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have...a cat."

Otherwise, been busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.
The end.

Dear Jive Journal - My feline roomate, Ned.

2009-01-04T18:25:23Z

Meet Ned.
He's the world's most well adjusted cat.

www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1221573&l=4044e&id=516838509

Dear Jive Journal - TRANSFORMER OWL!!!

2008-12-30T21:30:02Z

What the animals real name is, who knows. I don't speak Japanese. But the video is worth it! This thing is CAAAARR-AZY!!

Dear Jive Journal - Back at work

2008-12-29T15:06:18Z

My calm, serene, happy holiday mood was IMMEDIATELY squashed by the obnoxious printer repair man who wears WAY to much cologne and has no indoor voice.

I want to punch him in the throat for that.

On the upside, I'm all alone in the office for 3 WHOLE DAYS. Sure, I have to do the work for 2 more people, but this also means I don't have to emotionally babysit them either. Did I mention, I am the ROCK of this department. The glue that holds the other morons together. I'll happily accept more work for less drama.

Dear Jive Journal - Nativity Scene Checklist...

2008-12-23T22:48:18Z

Baby Jesus? Check.

Wise men? Check. Check. Check.

Baby Lambs? Awwww...Check!

"The Shitter?"...Che...Wait...Huh?!?! What the beans?!?!

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present those zany Spaniards and the caganer!

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/feature/obama-spanish-christmas-doll-122308

Dear Jive Journal - You been Christmas'd, fool!!!

2008-12-23T15:19:26Z

Dear Jive Journal - Need cat getting advice.

2008-12-22T00:45:08Z

I'm finally going to do it! I'm getting a feline roomate.
But how do I narrow it down to where to go. I'm torn between saving a friend from the chopping block at the Humane Society and supporting a dedicated non-kill center like Feline Rescue?

Where do you think I should go, Jivers?

http://www.animalhumanesociety.org/
http://www.felinerescue.org/
http://www.gt-as.com/

Wherever I go, I'm stopping at one cat. I don't want to be tripping over many creatures and up to my eyes in fur. I'd like a younger cat, not necessarily a kitten, but someone who will be with me for a while.

Dear Jive Journal - Voting fun ain't over yet!

2008-12-19T16:05:04Z

Anyone else glued to the streaming video of the Canvassing board this morning...holy cow dudes! This is historial.

http://www.startribune.com/video/?ls1=1?elr=KArksLckD8EQDUoaEyqyP4O:DW3ckUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aUycaEacyU

Dear Jive Journal - Oasis/Ryan Adams & The Cardinals

2008-12-10T17:44:10Z

Anyone want two FREE tickets for tonights show?
it's at 7pm, tickets are on the side close to the stage about 20 rows back
Did I mention, they're free?

Lemme know!

Dear Jive Journal - "Proposition 8: The Musical!"

2008-12-04T19:15:17Z

In case you haven't seen this yet, it's the bestest thing EVER!!!

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Dear Jive Journal - "The Ladybugs' Picnic"

2008-12-04T17:22:31Z

Here's that musical meme that's all the rage.
I wanted to make sure i did it on my work computer because the music on this thing is much sillier.

1. Put your iPod or other music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got this from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
"The Boggie Woggie Piggies"

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"Sunny Day (Long Version)"

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Together We Make Music" (too true.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"I Feel Good" (as sung by Cookie Monster)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"There's a hole in the bottom of the sea"

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Oh, Look what our baby can do!"

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"I wish I had a friend to play with me"

WHAT IS 2+2?
"Twenty Six Letters from A to Z" (never was good at math)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"What's goin' on" (The Marvin Gaye tune, covered by Big Bird)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"The Batty Bat"

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Say Toothpaste, Somebody" (I am prone to cavities)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Honk around the clock" (I don't know what the job entails, but the hours sound horrible!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Cookie Crumba-Rumba" (...in my pants!)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Captain Vegetable" (Funny, since I've been a vegetarian, they never know what to feed me)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Big Round Nose" (how romantic!)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Cereal Girl" (Muppet cover of Madonna's "Material Girl"...Tara always did like cereal.)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Elmo's Weather Report"

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"Cool Clear Water"

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"Cowboy Song"

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"Medley" (How horrific!!)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"Track 04" (Anything but THAT!!!)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"The Elephant Elevator Operator" (I got nothing on this one)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Barn in the U.S.A" (Muppets cover of Springstein's "Born in the USA")

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"Keep the park clean for the pidgeons" (litter is sad)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"Amigo" (only if he's friendly and speaks espanol?)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
"Honk, Bank, Whistle and Crash!"

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"Hey Little Worm" (an invertibrae has a crush on me?)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"I am Chicken" (I do regret things I haven't tried...and that one time I became a chicken"

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"Me going to munch you, munch you, munch you" (Getting munched would hurt!)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"The Ladybugs' Picnic"

Dear Jive Journal - It's not a Dalek

2008-12-04T03:12:32Z

Update, to those of you who recieved my Thanksgiving cowbell compilation. The illustration on the package was not meant to be a Dalek. I don't know what that is. But it might be shaped like a cowbell.

My drawing is of a cowbell being struck by a stick and the responding 'DONK!' that goes with it.

Thank you and look for a Christmas edition in your mail soon.
I think after this series, I'm concentrating on songs with whistling in some form. I need to move on from Cowbell for my own wellbeing. I hear it EVERYWHERE NOW!

On a different music note, does anyone else feel sorry for the rest of the band (the part that isn't Mick Jagger) in 'The Rolling Stones' during "Sympathy for the Devil"? Having to sing a high pitched "Whoo-Hoo" over and over for like 6 minutes straight can't be all that fun, even when you're rocking.

"Whoo-Hoo... Whoo-Hoo... Whoo-Hoo... Whoo-Hoo... Whoo-Hoo... Whoo-Hoo... Whoo-Hoo... Whoo-Hoo"

Dear Jive Journal - (sure a little late) but what Thanksgiving means to me!

2008-12-02T19:24:19Z

From iwatchstuff.com...
"Nothing says "Happy Thanksgiving" like a gore-filled 1972 movie about a man transforming into a murderous, blood-drinking human/turkey hybrid. Nothing. The only reason Thanksgiving ever mattered was to celebrate moving one harvest closer to the release of Blood Freak."

Dear Jive Journal - "Can I help you with anything else today?"

2008-11-30T22:00:14Z

So, I got cable at my new place. So when I'm bored this winter, there's always VH1 and Jon Stewart there for me. I've had it for just 3 weeks and it was already going screwy.

Since i'm at home not feeling too hot (big puffy tonsils and achy) all I want to do is veg out with some stupid tv. So I call customer support.

Yeah...what a BIG HELP that turned out to be! (read with MUCH sarcasm)

Now, the only channel I get is community programming.

Nothing like curling up on a snowy day to watch the 2009 Park and Recreation Board Finance budget meeting.

Comcast is LAME!!!

Dear Jive Journal - Grrr...

2008-11-25T04:43:02Z

I'm naming you Quincy. Yeah, you've got claws, but you'll need them to keep away monsters. Every kid needs some extra protection.

Dear Jive Journal - Cowbell Mix: Update

2008-11-24T21:29:40Z

Seems, I have compiled way too many Greatest Hits of the Cowbell.
So instead of just one edition (for you lucky 3 people who have signed up), I will be making TWO EDITIONS of the compilation dedicated to the hollow, metallic funk-a-tude that is our favorite bovine-bell. Your Holidays will soon be filled with Heffer-tastic percussion!

(Coming soon)
"A Cornocopia of Cowbell: or a Closer Walken with Thee"

(Coming in time for your Christmas giving needs)
"Carol of the Cowbells: or Walken in a Winter Wonderland"

Both are loaded with popular hits as well as undiscovered treasures of Cowbellery that you and your 3 families will enjoy for years to come (or at least about 40 minutes, maybe less if you skip through the crappy tunes because there is no accounting for taste with tasty tunes!) Such a deal for no moo-lah!

Supply is limited. Not available in stores. Offer not valid in Nevada because I don't know anyone there and don't trust strangers. Results may vary. Side effects include unnessecary head-banging and loss of restraint when it comes to riding in pickup trucks. Don't listen to cowbell if you have high body mass index of over 60%, unless you listen while jogging.

PS-Angelady, send me your address to taranitz at gmail so I can send ya one. Or just keep yelling my name and I'll come to the sound of your voice.

Dear Jive Journal - You can't make this sh*t up!

2008-11-21T19:16:12Z

"A man caught near Nobbys (!!) Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 km/h car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday.

Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed. Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar, a police statement said.

The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 km/h, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.

Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.

They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling".

A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier."

http://www.theherald.com.au/news/local/news/general/man-caught-with-penis-in-pasta-jar/1363831.aspx

Dear Jive Journal - Uh...Mrs. Palin...Behind you....

2008-11-21T15:41:42Z

Dear Jive Journal - "The Cowbell Mix" nears completion! Muwahahahaha

2008-11-20T16:57:41Z

The list I've been secretly keeping under my desk of songs predominately featuring cow-bell in the percussion has reached an unbelievable EIGHTEEN SONGS!!!

18 SONGS, dude....

...it's time to compile.

if anyone is interested in receiving a copy of this iconic piece of history, "The Cowbell Compliation: A Closer Walken with Thee" let me know.

(And no, Blue Oyster Cult is NOT included. I know...Wow!)

P.S. g-mail me your address at taranitz so I know where to send it and you will recieve it in 4-6 weeks, or maybe less.

Dear Jive Journal - biking guitar hero

2008-11-19T17:50:27Z

Dear Jive Journal - I'm home.

2008-11-18T21:36:01Z

To some people, my name means "home".